Monday, January 11, 2010

Privacy and Tweens

This morning was a typical example of what it's like to have 2 girls one an older tween and the other just on the verge, getting ready for school. The oldest one goes into the bathroom and she closes the door. The little one comes barging in to get the hairbrush. This causes chaos. All I can here is screaming and the older one calling the little one names and the little one giving it right back to her. I of course am partly to blame for this because I took the lock from the bathroom and put it on my bedroom. This was for my husband and I to have privacy. The girls always like to just come in our room.

I completely understand where my daughter is coming from. She doesn't want to be walked in on no matter what she's doing. She is at the age where she's developing and she gets embarrassed. She feels awkward and she certainly doesn't want her little sister coming in and bothering her or worse asking her why she now suddenly has a chest. I get it and I have asked the little one endlessly to stop walking in on her sister. It's a struggle. She just doesn't see what the big deal is. I truly hope that she will listen soon because the way I see it she's going to be wanting the privacy very soon.

My oldest also has taken to going into her room for some piece and quiet and the little one just comes barging in to ask a silly question. I think it's mostly because she wants to be with her. It's hard. I understand her desire for privacy, but I don't want her to be mean to her sister.

Well, I guess it's just part of growing up. I myself was tortured by my two younger brothers. It got to the point where my mother got me a lock for my door. I don't want it to come to that. I don't think there should be a need for either girl to have a lock on their door. I'm just going to have to push the respect each other's personal space spiel. This is going to be difficult for the little one. Oh well just part of parenting I guess.


Laane said...

Yes, it's part of parenting.
Children can't just start talking to advertise their own needs when other people are in a serious conversation, they have to be quiet when I'm on the phone and they have to respect a closed door.

They earlier they're taught that, the better.

On the other hand, no matter what age, everyone has to respect the need of others to prepare for daily life.

So when you want a long shower, take that the evening before, and when you need to do a lot with your hair, do it elsewhere.

With 8 people, all leaving early in the morning in the past, I've become very strict.

10 minutes for each person, and when you need more, you'll have to go back later.
When someone needs to get someone out... I do.

Namecalling? 5 minutes the next day. Not 10.

And going to the room of a brother or other girl? Not without permission. And at certain times not at all. The little ones learned it fast and we never had problems.

They respect privacy and they ask politely.

Good luck!

Clairity said...

I guess it'll take a little getting used to where the younger one is concerned, especially if they've been quite freely sharing space all this while.

SFNM Writer said...

We are reading "Raising our Daughters" in our study group at my 11 y.o's school. ( The chapter we just did was Chapter 3, about "letting go." We got into a very interesting conversation about coming of age rituals, expectations we had for our kids and other things like this, and how the kids push back, and how you "let go" -- i.e. do you make them wear a fancy dress for a holiday event or do you let them express yourself? Do you have a "red" party when she has her first period? Who is THAT party for, her or you (hint: it's not for the daughter) and other things of this manner. It is indeed one of the hardest and most interesting parts of parenting girls (and boys I'd bet) at this age.

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