Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Tweens and Crushes

Now my oldest daughter is in middle school and this is the time when kids start saying they're going out with someone. Of course they're not really going anywhere. They just talk on the phone or should I say text and hang out in school. It seemed like many of the kids in my daughter's class were pairing up last year and if you didn't you weren't one of the popular kids. The girls were especially hard and it made for a difficult year for my daughter.

She really just wanted to fit in and she always had, but suddenly things just sped up and I don't think she was ready. She was on the verge, but not quite there. They had dances at school and she was never asked to dance and that hurt her and me because I hate to see either of my children upset. She's just so shy that it makes things tricky for her with the boys. My husband considers this a good thing. Keep those boys away. Even though she's known them since nursery school things started to change. They used to all play tag in the school yard, but now that's just not cool. Mostly the girls just stand around giggling and talking about boys. The boys just try to be cool. Everyday she would come home miserable and felt that she just didn't fit in anymore. She still had her friends, but they were trying to figure things out as well. This was a really hard year for her. I'm so glad we got through it.

This year things have changed. My daughter seems to be more confident. She doesn't consider herself one of the popular girls, but she doesn't care anymore. They aren't nice and she has no use for them. She has a great group of girls she hangs out with and she's doing well in school.

Now my daughter has a crush on a boy in her class. It's adorable. This boy always goes out of his way to talk to her and get her attention. He is a little bit of a class clown I guess, but I think that's why she likes him so much. He makes her laugh and don't we all need someone who can do that in our life. The problem is she doesn't know if he likes her. It's typical tween drama. All I know is every day she has a new story about something this boy said or did. When she tells me about him there is always a smile on her face and I have to smile to because it is just such a pure feeling. This is the way it should be. Your first real crush should make you feel like you're walking on clouds. I told her that even if he doesn't like her like a girlfriend he is definitely a friend and that's where all good relationships should start. It seems to be making her more confident and that makes me happy. She should be confident. She's a beautiful intelligent little girl. I just hope this crush doesn't crush her. Fingers crossed.


The Accessory Lady said...

That is so cute! And good for her for finding the confidence to be herself. It's the hardest think with all the peer pressure and gossip. :-)

Katherine said...

Teens and girlfriends/boyfriends... ugh! My 14 year old had a 'girlfriend' all year. They didn't talk on the phone, didn't go anywhere, but she was his girlfriend. She broke up with him a week or so ago. "I just don't see us going anywhere." My son replied, "We are in EIGHT GRADE! How far can we GO!" Wise words. My 16 year old is too shy to approach a girl and ask her out, which kills me, but also makes me happy. He talks about a girl he really likes. They talk every day, with HER approaching HIM too. I said GO FOR IT, she is JUST WAITING for you to ask her out. But he is afraid he will hurt a very good friendship if she does not feel the same way. I have learned quickly to stay out of things... teen drama!

Anonymous said...

My daughter is in 8th grade too. It seems kids are growing up too fast. Some of her classmates have been "dating" since 3rd grade and some of them have already experimented with sex. Dating is the same here with texting but this year they are hanging out more. In 6th grade she had a crush on a boy and one of her friends did her the "favor" of telling him. He treated her very badly, made fun of her in school, and teased her until I had to call the mother to get him to stop. She has a group of friends in school who are very smart and not into sports-they consider themselves the nerds. They are not the "popular" girls who are mostly sports oriented (sports is big in our town) and is a HUGE click in the school. They don't fit the stereotypical mold, petite, skinny, straight hair, and lots of makeup. This year she has a crush on another boy who talks to her but doesn't show any interest. She is very shy. Last night they had a school event which ended with slow dancing. He was dancing with someone else and it broke her heart. I don't know what words to use to make her feel better. I realize it's part of her journey but it hurts to see her in so much pain. It effects her self esteem and every aspect of her being. We tell her all the time how proud we are but she just wants to be accepted by her peers. It's tough going through this, any hope?

Anonymous said...

The boyfriend thing is driving me crazy. I have 3 girls 10,11,& 12. It has been going on since last year.
What I am having issues with right now is that the 12yo likes 4 or 5 different boys. Is this normal? I'm thinking it is not.
What can I say to her?

Anonymous said...

im 11 and i have a crush on this kid dawson. i just dont know how to tell him helppp

Anonymous said...

i'm 11 and i have a crush on thiss really cute boy he knows and it feels awkward. plus hes the most popular boy in my year-year 6-anyway i don't know if he likes me back.and to top it all hes moving to AUSTRALIA in a MONTH what should i do? oh and from where i live it takes 24 hrs to get to australia :,(

Anonymous said...

I'm eleven and have a huge crush on the most popular boy in school but I do nt know if he likes me back and to make matters worse I m not popular what do I do

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